This story took place after a tough week of hardly seeing each other: he was very busy painting the rooms, I worked and had to look after granny. That’s why at the weekend we took a train to the mountains.
We got there and the grass still had the morning dew all over, the kind of wet drops that seem to remain there forever on Sundays. We brought the blanket with us so that we could lay down. Lately I thought he might be thinking “I don’t want to talk about (your) silly things”; lately we respected each other’s personal space.
On this Sunday the blanket was gold-like because of the shinning sun: the trees were dancing and the river running all the way down the forest.
Would he be at the other side?, That day I was afraid to lose him, of Dany’s face fading away, of his gentle hand off mine: a caress stopped from its journey in my back. But I didn’t want to talk, I felt it wasn’t the moment to spread out my doubts.
What if he didn’t see me beautiful anymore? It seemed like my eyes didn’t catch him any longer, nor did he like the smell of my hair. I still adored his hair.
Into these thoughts I was when a bird came through, almost touching our backpacks on the floor. The two of us turned back quickly to try and see the little funny bird. He was gone.
– You see?–he said after a while– that bird is like you.
– Fast?– I asked laughing.
– Free, soft, past.– he answered back.
– Past?, what do you mean?– I whispered with an unknown pain in my chest…
–Yes, past. I can’t follow you anymore Ev, very few times can I guess what you are thinking, what you expect from me. Look, I feel now like you must feel about that bird: you hardly had the time to see it, right?; would you say it was like a lighting flash?
– Well, it could be but…
–There you are now, Ev.
I couldn’t say a thing. We never spoke so openly, I thought I was the only one suffering and thinking about how delicate things are, how difficult characters we were. I should have known better…
–Plus, the other day you told me I didn’t know how to make you happy.
–But Daniel, don’t use that, you know perfectly that day I was…
–No!– he shouted –I won’t take more excuses, you don’t love me. I am your game, your entertainment, since I couldn’t really put an end to it you are still playing, let’s see how long I can stand it, uh? Well, you ask for more and more every day…
I wasn’t there anymore. My body was, but no the cheerful spring, no the fresh air of the forest or the dancing trees. My stomach was a nude, my ideas a storm.
After what it felt like a never ending silence, for the words wouldn’t come out my mouth. I decided I needed to leave, he was once more the asshole that knows what to say to make me feel miserable. But something was urging me not to leave, just to wait a little bit longer… “No way”– I thought–, I stopped the music that was coming out low from the small speakers and kept the Ipod and everything in my backpack.
I was already standing up when something flew all around me and stopped right on Dany’s leg. It was the bird that was now staring at him, inquisitive, leaning his tiny head. There it stayed at least for two minutes and none of as moved.
During this dense time I could see how Daniel freed his features and little by little separated his lips, as though he wanted to breath out loudly, but he didn’t. His expression was as well changing, tension and anger faded away, not from me, though.
The little bird was still there, the scene was funny, but I had already made a decision, so I extended my arm to grab the backpack. Dani took my hand, very firmly, but he was still absorbed by the little bird; he really wanted me to stay now.
–What now? I asked.
I sat down and the bird left, disappearing through the trees. Daniel turned towards me, First he takes my tie off and spread my hair all over, smelling it for a while; then he takes my shoes off.
I still wanted to leave but his look was turned on, his hands soft as the breeze, they pulled up my dress, gliding now up my left tight…
I took his t-shirt and his fear off and kissed his neck. He held me and laughed, stopped and looked at me. It was him again.
I think we rolled over half of the country side: we had melt with the green , I could hear the river closer and closer.
Daniel– I said at some point–, you already know birds also fall in love?, I would say that one fell pretty much for you. He looked at me with regret and rolled a little bit aside to get out of the blanket we were wrapped in. Fuck!, we were just about falling, in the right edge of the hill; just a little bit more of blinded rolling and…
He then raised up into his knees and I did the same, without taking my eyes off him. We covered again with the blanket, not completely now, and we examined each other in detail, he was so beautiful I flowers all over. The sun was playing with the colors of the blanket, making it more and more golden, creating strange new forms. “I love birds”– he said with his voice trembling–.
Daniel kissed my chick with such intensity that I had to leave my head fall a bit aside: he held it with love. Then I passed my arm through so it enclosed his neck and with the other free hand I catch his hand in my neck.
Then Klimt did his job.
I could feel my feet in the air, I think we were about to fall down.